You Know You’re a Bad Person When…

…You’re hoping for an accident.

Ohhhhh you know what I mean. You’ve been there. Don’t tell me that when you’re stuck on the freeway that has suddenly become a parking lot…that you don’t start looking for carnage. You’re frustrated, straining your neck, looking to rubber neck as soon as you have the opportunity…but nothing.
And after countless minutes of stop and go, you finally pick up to a speed that doesn’t give you a foot cramp….and, wait…..nothing!? What?!
I don’t need bodies in the road I just need a couple skid marks! Heck, it could even be an abandoned chair sitting on the center-divide; I just need something that justifies that I’ll never get that lost time back.

Can you tell I despise traffic?

These are what I like to call “First World Problems.” And no, I didn’t make the phrase up although I wish I HAD! I stole it from Kate, a friend of mine who currently left me for Pittsburg, but has always been a big supporter of my blogging antics. Other “First World Problems:”

–       Seeds in your fruit

–       A hole in your dog poop bag

–       Soy milk curdling in hot coffee

–       Lines

I HATE lines. Between traffic and lines you’re probably thinking that I’m a pretty impatient person.

“They say patience is a virtue. Why can’t Hurry the F*%! up be a virtue?!” ~ Anonymous

BAHA!  Agreed.

I’m one of those people that can’t relax until the sun is down. Daylight = productivity.
Not to mention its sort of FUN seeing how many things you can get done in one day. The downside is you tend to get really frazzled and also very distracted. For instance, on my way to the kitchen to make dinner, I figure I should probably pick up Murphy’s toys only to find that there are dust-doggies the size of Murphy hidden under the couch. That makes me then start to pick it up and wonder HOW he possibly has any hair left. Well then I’ve got to throw it away, BUT en route to the bathroom I realize, damn, the single-solitary house plant needs about a week’s worth of water, which puts me in the bathroom to then see that THAT needs cleaning and I finally have to just pull myself away and go eat something because CLEARLY I will need sustenance to continue the rest of the day with my crazy self.

That kids’ book “When you give a mouse a cookie” comes to mind.

The funniest part is Murphy follows me around like a shadow. So between the TWO of us, we’re like a flipping side-show act. I’m just waiting for Bravo TV to show up and offer me a contract for my own reality show. Hey, if it sucks they can play it at night-time with all the other boring shows to help people fall asleep!

Question: What are some of your “First World Problems?” Leave a comment here!


4 thoughts on “You Know You’re a Bad Person When…

  1. Hmm… My first world problems include, but are not limited to:
    Slow internet
    Finding the motivation to go outside when it’s this hot out
    No good summer TV shows
    And definitely traffic. And lines. Anything that forces me to stand still.

  2. running out of windshield washer fluid when you have an awesomely dirt smeared window #morningdrivefromhell

    discussing dinner options with your significant other me: “what do you want to eat?” him “I don’t know, what do you want to eat?” me:”I don’t know, I could eat whatever.” him:”well, what do you want to eat?” #weeknightblues

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